are so exquisitely damn perfect that it breaks my heart that you exist in this shitty world. And I want to wrap my arms around you and kiss your eyelids until everything is ok. I want to protect you from everything that is going to hurt you, including me. I'm sorry in advance right now to whomever gets hurt. Including myself. Please don't let this get as messy as I fear it might.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Smug in the kitchen
I got home tonight at around 1230 and at around 115, having been on the phone with carley for a half hour or so realized I was starving. so I went to the kitchen, craving pasta and realized I had NOOOOOOOO sauce. None. i had the big cans of crushed tomatoes, which I can and do make into sauce but that is a lot of sauce which leaves me either eating pasta for DAYS, freezing it, or more likely, calling up someone (usually leah) and being like, come over I'm cooking. She's handy! Takes leftovers home too.
But that wasn't but I wanted, i wanted quick, decadent and easy. So..... Alfredo it is. This was totally a lazy ladies alfredo but it tasted delicious! I cooked pasta and brocoli in the same pot (I know i probably overcooked the broccoli but in pasta I like it really well cooked) Then I sauteed 3 cloves of garlic in about a 1/4 cup of margarine (the cheapest non-hydrogenated I could get) added a handful of flour to make a roux. Then I put cream (maybe... 1/4 cup) and stirred it. I kept adding water a little at a time until it was the perfect thickness. You could probably also use just milk but I didn't have any. Then I tossed it all together in the pan and presto! Two meals! And HERE's the best part!!! (warning: cheapness ahead)
pasta: 1/4 of a box on sale for $1 = $0.25
garlic 1/4 head @ $0.99/3 heads = $0.07
margarine: almost shouldn't count but let's say $0.25
cream: 1/4 cup out of 500ml container: $0.25
broccoli: maaaaybe $0.40 (probably way less but I can't remember how much I paid for the bag of frozen)
salt & pepper : negligible
for a grand total of.... $1.22 for TWO servings of really tasty pasta. And from the moment I started cooking until the moment I sat down to eat was less than 20 minutes.
So. Much. Win. After I was done making it I googled fettucine alfredo recipes and while some use slightly fancier ingredients the basic idea is the same. And a lot of people in the comments are like "oh wow, that looks SO good, I'll have to make it for a special meal" But that's the thing. Stuff like this, when you understand the basics of cooking, isn't a special meal thing. You can eat wonderfully ALL the time if you just take the time to educate yourself, and also have basics on hand.
But that wasn't but I wanted, i wanted quick, decadent and easy. So..... Alfredo it is. This was totally a lazy ladies alfredo but it tasted delicious! I cooked pasta and brocoli in the same pot (I know i probably overcooked the broccoli but in pasta I like it really well cooked) Then I sauteed 3 cloves of garlic in about a 1/4 cup of margarine (the cheapest non-hydrogenated I could get) added a handful of flour to make a roux. Then I put cream (maybe... 1/4 cup) and stirred it. I kept adding water a little at a time until it was the perfect thickness. You could probably also use just milk but I didn't have any. Then I tossed it all together in the pan and presto! Two meals! And HERE's the best part!!! (warning: cheapness ahead)
pasta: 1/4 of a box on sale for $1 = $0.25
garlic 1/4 head @ $0.99/3 heads = $0.07
margarine: almost shouldn't count but let's say $0.25
cream: 1/4 cup out of 500ml container: $0.25
broccoli: maaaaybe $0.40 (probably way less but I can't remember how much I paid for the bag of frozen)
salt & pepper : negligible
for a grand total of.... $1.22 for TWO servings of really tasty pasta. And from the moment I started cooking until the moment I sat down to eat was less than 20 minutes.
So. Much. Win. After I was done making it I googled fettucine alfredo recipes and while some use slightly fancier ingredients the basic idea is the same. And a lot of people in the comments are like "oh wow, that looks SO good, I'll have to make it for a special meal" But that's the thing. Stuff like this, when you understand the basics of cooking, isn't a special meal thing. You can eat wonderfully ALL the time if you just take the time to educate yourself, and also have basics on hand.
I am so glad that I know what I'm doing in the kitchen. It's one of the things that I
do for myself that makes me happy. If a little chubby... And for dessert...
do for myself that makes me happy. If a little chubby... And for dessert...Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I'm in the corner...
So I was laying around reading tonight when Robyn's "Dancing on my Own" showed up in my iTunes. This song hit BIG like a week after Jess dumped me and I started thinking about that whole...situation.
In a lot of ways I hate myself for the way I handled our breakup. I definitely lost that one. I was the crazy ex. But... on the other hand. Never in my entire life have I been so exquisitely gutted and turned inside out and hung out to dry. It's been... almost 9 months and to this day I can pull that pain and devastation to memory so quickly.
I have to admit in the last few weeks I have started to allow myself to acknowledge how dramatically different my life would be if she still loved me. Not necessarily good different, but different. I still have some pictures from our relationship kicking around and the one thing that is so clear is that we literally could not stop looking at each other. There is this picture of us in line at Diva's staring into each others eyes. i remember when that picture was taken. We were originally smiling at the camera but one of us said something, the other looked at her and we just got...stuck there.
I am having such a hard time figuring out if that love was ever real... I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run. My EXPERIENCE of that love was very real and that's what I should take away...
I just keep getting stuck on the why's.
Yet at the same time I am so intensely in love with Carley, so HAPPY with Carley that I wonder why I'm even thinking about Jess at all. Until I remember the pain I felt when Jess left me, and then I swear anyone looking at me could see the walls go up... I'm so damn scared. I'm tired of fear being a deciding factor in my life.
In a lot of ways I hate myself for the way I handled our breakup. I definitely lost that one. I was the crazy ex. But... on the other hand. Never in my entire life have I been so exquisitely gutted and turned inside out and hung out to dry. It's been... almost 9 months and to this day I can pull that pain and devastation to memory so quickly.
I have to admit in the last few weeks I have started to allow myself to acknowledge how dramatically different my life would be if she still loved me. Not necessarily good different, but different. I still have some pictures from our relationship kicking around and the one thing that is so clear is that we literally could not stop looking at each other. There is this picture of us in line at Diva's staring into each others eyes. i remember when that picture was taken. We were originally smiling at the camera but one of us said something, the other looked at her and we just got...stuck there.
I am having such a hard time figuring out if that love was ever real... I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run. My EXPERIENCE of that love was very real and that's what I should take away...
I just keep getting stuck on the why's.
Yet at the same time I am so intensely in love with Carley, so HAPPY with Carley that I wonder why I'm even thinking about Jess at all. Until I remember the pain I felt when Jess left me, and then I swear anyone looking at me could see the walls go up... I'm so damn scared. I'm tired of fear being a deciding factor in my life.
I wanna work in a bookstore
I have spent the last several nights trapped in a used bookstore in 1970-ish New York City
After finishing The Passage by Justin Cronin (which I expect to review at a later date) I needed something light and fun. This is fitting the bill exactly. However, we seem to now be getting into the "mystery" part of the story and as page 225 out of 349 that seems rather late in the game to be getting to the "point". If you're looking for a fantastic literary mystery, stick with The Thirteenth Tale by Setterfield or The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zaffon. If you've read those and are looking for something somewhat similar this would be a good choice.
After this I think it's back to the Nazis! They're showing up a lot in my books this year! Damn Nazis!
After finishing The Passage by Justin Cronin (which I expect to review at a later date) I needed something light and fun. This is fitting the bill exactly. However, we seem to now be getting into the "mystery" part of the story and as page 225 out of 349 that seems rather late in the game to be getting to the "point". If you're looking for a fantastic literary mystery, stick with The Thirteenth Tale by Setterfield or The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zaffon. If you've read those and are looking for something somewhat similar this would be a good choice.
After this I think it's back to the Nazis! They're showing up a lot in my books this year! Damn Nazis!
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